So mom went in for her surgery on Wednesday and is feeling a lot better and no longer yellow!! This makes me very happy :) Now we are just waiting on her biopsy appointment, and then back to Dr. Schopf at the end of the month.

The dr who did her surgery siad the tumor might even be benighn, but we won't now for sure until she has gone for her biospy. So I am hoping that this happens soon.

That's all for now, more when I know more.

Day 4

So today wasn't the best for me. I didn't get much sleep last night and it was so hot today. Half of me is grumpy and the other half wants to curl up and cry. It sucks when you are walking down the road and you start crying. Thank god for sunglasses.

It's everything right now. I'm losing two of my bestfriends.

I'm just so tired and want to be held and told that it's just a bad dream.

Day 3

Today i am exhausted.....i think the toll of the last week has finally hit me.

So today I got an email from my sister. I think this is the first form of communication I have had from her since '04. It's weird to have someone that you don't know at all in your immediate family.

So my mom goes in for a Biopsy on Tuesday and then her surgery to make her not jaundice on Wednesday. I don't work those days, so I plan on being there with her even if it's going to be boring as she says. Soo not the point. Just being there with her is the point.

However I think my brain is on shut down mode cause there's just too much in it to focus. I almost started crying during the movie I went to tonight. There is a scene where a woman tries on a wedding dress and I wondered if my mom will get a chance to be there with me when I do that.......

Day 2

Today I am feeling really numb and I think I am still in shock. There are just so many things running around inside my head.

A friend told me last night that while she knows it still is hard, at least I know. This way I have time to make more memories with her. Like I want to go to Disneyland with her and let her chose what we do. And I want lots of pictures. I have many from the last 27 years, but now I want more.

I am trying to get a hold of my sister so I can be the one to tell her. I don't want her to hear it from anyone else and I don't want my mom worrying over her. I don't know what my sister will do, but she has a right to know.

Every now and then I think about how it's gonna be......I don't know how I am going to handle it. I really don't.

Day 1

Well in all honesty this all started a couple days ago, but today I got the worst news of my life. I thought I would share my journey through this hard time on here.

Today I got the news that my mom has pancreatic cancer and it had already spread to her lympnods. Then we got more devastating news telling us she had less than five years. My mom is only 55 years old. Just last month she told me she wanted me to get her a puppy for her 60th birthday. I just might get it five years early.

She's been my only parent for as long as I've been here, 27 years to be exact. The man who helped create me has already passed, so it's double hard for me. And there is so much that I want to experiance with her. I want to see her hold my babies and I want her to give me away when I get married.

What am I going to do without her?